If this is a glimpse of the future I'm screwed

Everyday during the drive home from school Brandon nods off and Alexander and I talk about his morning at school. Today we were talking about which friend was the leader of the day & what they shared with the class as their "show item." (very fancy 2009 talk for show and tell)
So we talk about how his friend brought her cat "Magic School Bus" (no shit - that is the cat's name) to school. Of course he was thrilled to meet their cat and thought the name was hysterical "Mommy I never met a cat with that kind of name before!"

Then he moves into telling me that he wants to go to his friend Jenny's, (aka Magic School Bus' person), house to play with them. Now Jenny & her family are moving this weekend - oh, about 1200 miles away so I explain that we can't go to their house. Knowing my boy, I also know his response will be "maybe another day" therefore I feel compelled to tell him they are moving.

Well let me tell you, I wasn't prepared for what happened next.

After I told him they were moving it got real quiet for a minute. I looked in the rear view mirror & saw a sad, sad face. Tears welling up in his eyes, his bottom lip quivering ... my heart just broke. Noticing that I was looking at him he says in that cracking voice "But Mommy, I don't want my friends to move" Then, full on sobbing. Now I am trying to pick up the pieces of my heart that have fallen on the floor mat while I am driving on the parkway. UGH.

For the next 10 minutes he talked about how he was going to be sad when they leave & why are they leaving & couldn't I tell them to stay. (What do you say to that ?!?)

Meanwhile I too am sad. I'm sad because they are moving, I'm sad because I am losing a friend, I'm sad because my boys are losing friends, I'm sad because my boy is sad & I am sad at the circumstances (serious illness) requiring them to move. All the while trying to help him understand his emotions and the crappy reality of the situation. I just wanted to scoop him up in my arms, hold him tight & tell him everything will be alright which I did when we got home but deep in my heart I knew he didn't believe me. I knew he hurt and worse still, that I couldn't make his hurt go away.

Tomorrow will be their last day at school and I can only imagine how sad he will be. I completely get it - I have tears in my eyes just writing this post.

I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is going to be watching him deal with his first real heartbreak (think first girlfriend) considering how it felt watching him grow sad over this. Just a reminder that life is not easy no matter how old or young you are.

Either way it reminded me of one of my favorite sayings by Rabbi Harold S. Kushner that I thought I'd pass along ....
"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is like expecting the Bull not charge because you are a vegetarian."

Here is wishing each of you a wonderful tomorrow.

Busy, Busy, Busy

I can't believe it has been 2 months since I last blogged. Not that anyone noticed really but still it was weighing on my mind, like a responsibility I let fall to the wayside.

Life is just busy. With two boys under the age of 5, a new puppy, a husband who is super busy at work, housework, and two graduate classes I am pooped. Oh and did I mention I stupidly volunteered to be on the carnival committee for my son's school. That is the last time I believe "we have everything in a binder so it should be a snap." HA!

I don't know how women who work full time & manage a family do it. My hat is off to you ladies!

Windy Days sure got me thinking..

This all started with Windy's post about the morality of spending money on voluntary surgery vs. helping the less fortunate. (read her post b/c it is much more interesting than my recap)

Here's my two cents (who am I kidding, here is the whole quarter) plus the added bonus of me playing devil's advocate. I know you can hardly contain yourself.

Jumping in head first with a personal disclosure; voluntary plastic surgery is on my radar. Not the face lift or butt implant type of plastic surgery more the “these boobs are weighing me down” kind of surgery. I have always wanted a breast reduction & now that I am done having babies this could be a reality. I was never a little boob kind of girl in fact I had my first bra in 3rd grade - don’t even get me started on the joys & scars related to that unwanted male attention. So after going up to a ‘H’ while nursing both boys (They were true working girls), my ta-tas have lost their girlish qualities if you catch my drift. They measure more like pants now – 38 Long. Anyway, I am at a point where I am thinking of having a breast reduction and I struggle with the idea of voluntary surgery – what if something goes wrong – and the overall cost which seems wasteful, but yet I can’t quite convince myself to give up on the idea.
I also know many women who have had nose jobs, boob jobs, etc. and they are generous, kind ladies who were just unhappy with their appearance. For them it was nirvana and I can only admire the positive change it made in their psyche. So again, this issue is near & dear to me because I too struggle with the concept of plastic surgery.

But back to my original thoughts …
I am all for lending a helping hand; those who know me know I am always the first in the crowd to rally for foster children, the elderly, the disenfranchised, etc. however I can't really share Windy’s disgust with K-K-Kathy's desire for voluntary surgery. Who am I to say she shouldn't? Can she afford it? What does it mean to her? Is it my business? I don’t know her financial situation but maybe to her spending money on a mini-lift is like me pulling out my debit card at Publix – something done on a regular basis without much thought. Or maybe she has $50k in credit card debt & doesn’t have a care in the world. Does it matter? Should I begrudge her the opportunity to have a face so tight she looks like Joan Rivers?
It’s a slippery slope …
If we judge her than how do we view the parent who can't afford health care for their kid or can't escape the cycle of public assistance yet still buys a beer at dinner with friends? Does that make her a bad person? Does she not deserve to have a cold beer? Should we all collectively sigh with the heavy thought that perhaps she should have water & put that $4 toward her household bills instead of a Sierra Nevada? That would be awful. Besides, if we are being honest with ourselves aren’t we all guilty of spending money that could go to a better cause be it charity or self improvement? Does anyone really need to eat out more than 1x per week? Isn’t that wasteful? I could feed a village with the $50 it costs to feed my family of four when dine out.
Most days when I go to Pet Smart I add a couple of bucks to my bill to help feed homeless pets but some days I don’t – does that make me any less charitable? I can afford the $2 so am I selfish? I don’t think so.
Should the person behind on their mortgage or credit card bills not spend any money on any "nice to haves" & just stick 100% to the "need to have" list? I don't know. I think there are arguments on both sides. Balance is tricky & whether we want to acknowledge it or not we all have a sense of entitlement that we satisfy every now & again. If we didn’t imagine what a plummet the travel industry would take.
When I was struggling living on my own making $18k a year paying $490/month rent & another $150/month car insurance not to mention essentials like food & gas for my car so I could get to my sorry ass job, I was BROKE. So broke that I often needed to ask my landlord for an extension on my rent, yet I still scraped together a few bucks to go out with my friends on a Friday night. Was that awful? No. Irresponsible? Maybe. But was I despicable? No. I just needed an outlet & and escape from the crapper that was my life and some dancing & a few Buds helped take my mind off my troubles if only for a few hours. Is that so bad?
Really, what is the magic number of charitable deeds that abolishes all self indulgence – 20% of income? 10 hours per month? It is silly to think in terms of black & white.
Ideally I would love it if everyone were charitable. Imagine the impact we could make if every person in the US sent $1 to the same charity – approx. $304 million dollars would make its way to that organization. Now imagine if we did this every month or if we asked people to skip the Starbucks latte or the McDonalds Happy Meal & instead donate that money to cancer research. Imagine the impact we could make. Maybe we could change the world so no one ever has to hear the words “You have cancer” ever again. That would be nirvana.

So off my soapbox I jump and propose that if Kathy with a K is willing to accept the financial responsibility of her Mini-face lift & she is happy with her decision than I say "Go for it!"

I certainly don't have the answers.

Roger Goodell, NFL Commish - are you effing kidding me!!!!

Has Roger Goodell lost his friggin mind?!? Vick is eligible for conditional reinstatement !! Are you fucking kidding me!!?? If you are as OUTRAGED as I am please, please stand up & be heard.
Send him a letter at:
National Football League
Attn: Roger Goodell, Commissioner
280 Park Avenue
New York, NY 10017
e-mail: Roger.Goodell2@nfl.net (This is what I could find via the net so I am not sure if this e-mail address is active but the address is correct)

Now before some of you jump down my throat & say "the man paid his time" - Yeah, OK. What he did was heinous & he should not be allowed back in the NFL. Of course the NFL has a very generous forgiveness policy just look at the others who were allowed back after committing crimes. And yes, I know that the reinstatement does not mean he will get to play it means he is eligible to be picked up by a team.

My point & my opinion is that he should not be reinstated. Simple.

Sean Penn - WOW !

Last night Smarty & I sat down and watched Milk and let me just say "Holy Crap, that was a fantastic, powerful, brilliant, enlightening, heroic, beautiful movie." Sean Penn was completely transformed into this character; he was so believable and sincere, he was amazing. James DeFranco, Wow - what a great role for him too. There was no awkwardness or stiffness in their scenes, they felt very real and kind. Even Smarty didn't have that typical straight male discomfort when watching two men kiss. I think because it was portrayed so naturally without the typical Hollywood pure sex focus that it was easy to get lost in their love and their lives. And the ending was beautifully done. The long parade of people walking with their lit candles just took my breath away.

I hope this movie educated people about the inequalities in our country and how important it is to stand up & be heard. I know sometimes it is hard to buck the system and much easier to go with the status quo but as this movie highlighted, it is those few brave souls who are willing to stand up, peacefully organize and become champions for a cause that make it possible for so many to enjoy equality.

It takes a spark to start a fire.

Margaritas, Fate, Love & Life

A little over 12 years ago fate intervened and I found myself a few hours deep in more than one pitcher of margaritas with my, never in a million years would I have thought he would be, future husband. What started out as a happy hour with friends turned into the beginning of a whole new life for me. When we met I was all set to move to Northern California and nothing was going to get in my way.... or so I thought, silly me!

That chubby Cupid baby shot his arrow & before I knew what was happening we were in love and shacking up in a rented baby blue mouse house (really it was only 520 square feet. You could literally sit on the bowl & wash your hands at the same time. No kidding).

See I told you !

A few months later he got down on bended knee & asked me to be his wife. My answer - YES, YES, YES!!!

We married, went on vacations, had fun, had arguments, got on each other's nerves, kissed, made up, and just enjoyed each others company. It is so cliché but he really is my best friend and I can’t imagine life without him. So today on his birthday I would like to yell from the electronic mountains and tell all the Internet voyeurs what an amazing man, friend, Mardi-Gras boogie king, husband & father he truly is.

Happy 40th Birthday Smarty my Love.
You rocked my world 12 years ago & still rock my world today.

I Love You deeply.

Some good news & some not so good news

The not so good news is my kitty (he's 10) has diabetes. He has been drinking water like a wild man this week so I knew something was up. Hobbes is a big boy weighing in at 17.4 lbs (pick up your bottom jaw, we know he is large). I'm telling you this cat eats 3/4 cup science diet light everyday - that is it! I think he is so large due to genetics and b/c he doesn't have to work for anything. He is an inside cat & the most exercise he gets is jumping up on my bed. I adore him.

So with this recent change in behavior I had to take him to the vet ASAP. We lost our dog Shelby in October and seriously folks, if something were to happen to Hobbes I would need a Zoloft drip. I just couldn't deal right now.

As soon as I got him in the exam room they did a blood sugar test & his was .... 601 ! Oh Shit! Apparently the upper limits in the normal range is somewhere near 160 so this was a biggie. We love our pets like they are our kids so if this is manageable then I am all in. Thankful that it wasn't cancer (I have lost 2 pets to cancer & I just couldn't bear to hear that again right now) I am on a mission. We are going to modify his diet & start with a very modest dose of insulin & recheck in 1 week. Apparently diet is a HUGE factor & can actually put him in remission because we caught it right away. (We had a full blood panel done on him in January & it was 145 so we know this is recent).

I gave him his first injection today & he took it like a champ. Of course I'd be willing to bet he didn't even feel it with all that extra weight but knowing that he didn't even flinch made me feel better. Quality of life is so important & I would hate for him to be miserable or in pain.

So overall, not the worst news but not the best either.

Now the good news ...

I lost another 4 pounds!!!

Yep, that's right - I'm a rockstar and I have the saggy jeans to prove it! Don't even need to unzip them, they just slip right on like a pair of sweats. Sweet.
I've been going to "Chub Club" (weight watchers) for a few weeks now & have been doing pretty good (8 lbs in 4 weeks). My goal is to lose around 40 more (yeah, two kids & lots of emotional eating made me a chunky monkey) & I don't care if it takes a year as long as I get this emotional eating thing under control.

Regardless, I was super psyched to hear the lady say "wow you are down 4 pounds this week" that I did a little victory dance right there next to the scale.